i may not be the best for you, but i will definitely try my best for you.

i dont know whats really going on. i cant trust anything anyone says.
to think that i was cynical before, this is a hundred folds worse. you tell me you're not working on your relationship with her, and yet you can still wish her happy 2 yrs anniversary and also declaring that you would love her always.... it felt like a stab to my heart when i saw it before my tears welled up in my eyes and i suppressed the urge to break down again. you also claim that you HAD to reply her on her wall since she wished you earlier. Dont you see it? Every single choice you make is determined by you. If you honestly didnt wish to say it you wouldnt have. Why oblige, knowing that it would hurt me further? AND also, you conveniently left out the part about you leaving it on her wall when you told me you didnt reply her on YOUR wall. you knew i blocked her and you knew i wouldnt be able to see it, so you did it. keeping it frm me was the same as lying blatantly to my face. How many times has it happened already?

Don't you understand that everytime i try to tell you how i feel I am just hoping for a reassuring answer from you? It never comes. I'm either faced with annoyance, silence, or a non-reply. Reason being you don't know what to say. Well, if it makes it easier for you that i don't unload onto you, then I wont. What is the point when i spill my guts out to the only person whom i HOPE would understand and i am met with a stony silence?

Can't you see that when i ask you the same thing repeatedly I am also trying my best to believe you, knowing that belief in my case has failed me time and time again. Yet, i persist on trying to believe, hoping against hope it would lead me somewhere. You tell me you sleep on the couch, ok so i can try to believe you. Even if you lie to me I wont find out too. However, when i do find out, and i confront you, its square one all over again. Unloading of shit then stony silence.


you tell me i'm not foolish, yet all the constant believing ensures that i am.